I can’t wait to start the new blog for Gareth and I. It is going to be so good (Sophia Grace voice). I have been feeling a change coming on for months now. Not just the change that everyone is aware of by now – the wedding/marriage to my sweet love – but the change that will happen within my own life. It is important that I keep focused because it is easy for me to just daydream and “night”dream and not put things into action. I am a dreamer, but it is time to make my dreams a reality. And I realized I have so many. It feels exciting to have dreams, but how much more exciting it will be to be living the dreams!
The plans for the blog excite me to no end. And yes, the wedding (that will happen in just 8 weeks) has lit a fire under me. What a perfect time to start fresh… it’s a million times better than the new year, which ultimately has no affect on me as I have figured out. I have found myself feeling nervous a couple of times when I imagine walking down the aisle, looking toward my sweet Gareth, and saying the vows I have worked hard on writing for us. It is something I never thought I would be nervous about – the fact that we will be giving ourselves to each other in front of all our friends and family, the fact that we are committing our entire lives together in a final way, and the fact that my dad will be “giving me away” on behalf of my family, and the fact that my name will be Williams are all things that I am so happy to experience, but also nervous about. I am only human. And yes, we have been spending lots of time (and yes, money) on making this day special and completely “us”. I have been planning so many aspects so that it will be the best wedding ever. Now that it is so close, I am stopping to actually think about the real meaning of the marriage – the devotion and love that we will share forever no matter how much we change, and the actual ceremony that will lead us to that. It will indeed be the happiest day of my life up to this point, so I need to live and cherish every single moment of that day.
Upon getting married, my ultimate dream come true, I want to put my other dreams into action and hopefully by doing that, I will find my purpose in life! Or at least be well on my way. I also have trouble with high stress levels and tension. I really am an irritable person and I tend to get extremely stressed out. I have had shingles and hives due to stress as well as anxiety attacks. And when those things happen, I cannot control it, but I can do things to prevent it and to remain calm and happy. It is something I have to live with, because that is just me, but living with it means I need to get control over my emotions and not let them take over. And some of the things I HAVE to do in order to change my lifestyle and be happy are:
- Wake up early – I love to sleep and I am really grumpy in the mornings. I have such a hard time getting out of bed, but the morning is the best part of the day. I don’t feel good about myself when I have to hop out of bed, jump in the shower, get ready and rush to work. I want to take my time, make breakfast, not go to work with damp hair because I didn’t have time to dry or style it, spend time with Gareth, and get a new routine.
- Read books! – This is something that has been on my list for so long. When I read, I find joy. I get to experience life through someone else’s story. I get to be a part of a different world. And trust me, I could name about 100 books that I want to read. The only way to accomplish this is for me to set aside a time of day that I will read. Until it becomes a habit. I also want to read more blogs and inspiring articles.
- Garden – This might not happen until we buy a house. But I will do it. Until then, my other goal is to
- Shop at the Farmer’s Market AND make my own juice – this speaks for itself. I want to be healthy and support local farmers. Target is my favorite store, but I need to broaden my horizons.
- Write Letters – I have to start writing letters to my close friends again.
- Decorate – Slowly but surely redecorate our house. I really gotta watch HGTV. And start going shopping at thrift stores, places like Ross and TJ Maxx, and also garage sales. We just got a new sofa and chair so we are excited. I want a couple of rugs (that tie the room together), a “wall of art”, big bookshelf, frames for our posters and for pictures of us, friends and family, and new furniture. I MUST have real plants in my house.
- Stop drinking. – Yes, this may seem extreme and very difficult. But I had the revelation that I will never stop smoking if I don’t stop drinking. And beyond that, I am sick of drinking. I want to enjoy life sober. At least for now.
These are the short term goals, in order. I am praying and hoping that these things will lead me to my ultimate dreams of going back to school, helping animals and helping people, being ready to have children and becoming a mama. I have a strong desire to help children with disabilities and/or old people. I know I have a lot of time, but why wait? I need to live now and start heading in the right direction. I know I have a purpose in life, I just need to find it, but first, I need to get my life together.
Peace and love,